Moving from primary to secondary: helping your child cope with the jump
By the time your child has an actual secondary school place confirmed, the admissions paperwork is done. But for a lot of children, and a lot of parents, that's when the real nerves start. This guide is about the part that comes after the offer letter: the emotional and practical side of getting ready for a much bigger school, new faces, and a lot more independence.
10 min read · Last checked August 2026
Quick answer
- Research following children through this move has found that worry tends to be low while they're still in primary school, then builds over the summer holiday and continues into the first weeks of Year 7.
- Friendships and family support are consistently the two things that matter most to how well children settle in.
- Most secondary schools run transition or induction days before September, and these genuinely help, so treat them as important rather than optional.
- Practical familiarity (knowing the route, the layout, the routine) does a lot of the emotional work for anxious children.
- A rocky first few weeks doesn't predict a rocky year. Most children settle, even if the start is bumpy.
Why this move is genuinely a big one
It's easy to focus all the energy on the admissions process itself, since that's the part with deadlines and forms, and then assume the actual transition will just sort itself out once a place is confirmed. For most children it broadly does, but it's worth taking seriously in its own right. Your child is moving from being one of the oldest, most confident children in a small, familiar building to being one of the youngest in a much bigger one, with several teachers instead of one, a timetable to navigate, and a much bigger pool of other children, most of whom they've never met. Studies that have followed children through this exact move have found something worth knowing in advance: children tend to worry surprisingly little while they're still at primary school, but that worry builds over the summer holiday and carries into the first weeks of the new school year. In other words, the anxious bit often isn't September itself, it's the weeks leading up to it.
What actually helps, according to the research
Across studies looking specifically at this transition, two things come up again and again as the biggest factors in how well children settle: their friendships, and the support they get from family. Everything else, worries about bullying, homework, teachers, finding their way around, tends to sit underneath those two bigger themes. That's genuinely useful to know, because it means the two most powerful things you can do as a parent aren't complicated or expensive. They're about helping your child hold onto or build friendships, and being a steady, calm presence they can talk to.
Take transition days seriously
Most secondary schools organise some kind of induction or transition day before the summer holidays, often more than one. These aren't just a nice extra; research into what actually reduces anxiety around this move points specifically to things like early links between primary and secondary schools and structured visits, so it's worth treating these dates as genuinely important rather than optional extras to fit in if you can. If your child's new school offers more than one taster session, or any additional summer contact, take it up if you can. If you can get hold of a school map in advance, even an informal one, looking at it together at home can take some of the mystery out of the building before your child ever sets foot in it.
Build familiarity before the first day
A lot of the anxiety around starting secondary school comes down to fear of the unknown, so anything that makes the unfamiliar feel a bit more familiar tends to help. A few things worth doing in the weeks before term starts:
- Walk or drive the actual route to school together, more than once if you can, especially if your child will be doing all or part of the journey independently.
- Look at a map or plan of the school together, if one's available, so the building feels slightly less overwhelming on day one.
- Practise the morning routine before it's for real, including how long it actually takes to get ready, so the first real morning isn't the first attempt.
- Sort uniform and equipment early rather than the week before, so there's no last-minute scramble. Our guide to school uniform costs in Kent can help you plan and budget for this in good time.
Build a bit of independence in the run-up
Secondary school expects a level of organisation and independence that's a genuine step up from primary. Rather than introducing all of this on day one, it helps to build it gradually over the weeks beforehand. Small, low-stakes things make a real difference: let your child pack their own bag, even if you check it afterwards at first, get them managing their own morning routine, and if they'll be responsible for money, a bus pass, or a locker, let them practise handling those kinds of things before they matter.
Talk about it, without trying to fix everything
If your child is anxious, the instinct is often to reassure them quickly and move on, but it usually helps more to listen first. Let them say what they're actually worried about, even if it sounds small to you, rather than jumping straight to solving it. It's also worth being honest that you remember feeling nervous too, if that's true for you; hearing that a parent went through something similar and came out the other side is often more reassuring than being told there's nothing to worry about. And it's worth saying plainly, more than once if needed, that it's completely normal for the first few weeks to feel a bit strange, and that settling in properly can genuinely take a little while. A rocky start doesn't mean it will carry on feeling that way.
Keep an eye on things once term starts
Once your child is actually in Year 7, it's worth staying a little more alert than usual to how they're doing, particularly in the first half term. Most children settle within the first few weeks, even if the very beginning feels bumpy, but if you notice ongoing distress about going in, a real drop in confidence, or your child consistently avoiding talking about school altogether, it's worth raising it with their form tutor or head of year sooner rather than later. Secondary pastoral teams generally expect these conversations in the first term and are used to having them.
Questions parents ask
Is it normal for my child to seem more anxious as the summer holidays go on, rather than right at the start of term?
Yes, and it's actually a well-documented pattern. Research following children through this transition has found that worry tends to be lowest while they're still at primary school, then builds during the summer holiday and continues into the first weeks of secondary school. Knowing this in advance can help you plan for extra reassurance and familiarity-building during the summer, rather than being caught off guard by it.
My child's new secondary school only offers one transition day. Is that enough?
One structured day is a genuinely useful start, and definitely worth prioritising, but you can build on it yourself at home. Walking the route together more than once, looking at any available map or school layout, and talking openly about what to expect all add to what a single induction day can cover on its own.
How long does it normally take a child to settle into secondary school?
It varies, but most children settle within the first half term, even where the very first few weeks feel unsettled or overwhelming. A rocky start is common and doesn't reliably predict how the rest of the year will go. If worry or distress doesn't ease at all after the first few weeks, or seems to be getting worse rather than better, it's worth speaking to your child's form tutor or head of year.
What matters most for how well a child settles in?
According to research specifically looking at this transition, friendships and the support a child gets from family consistently come out as the two biggest factors, more than practical worries like finding classrooms or remembering the timetable. That means the most valuable thing you can do is help your child stay connected to existing friends where possible, and be a calm, steady presence they can talk to as they settle in.
Useful links
Featured schools
A closer look at Kent schools.
Ashford
Phoenix Primary School
About Phoenix Primary School Phoenix Primary School is a mixed primary school based in Kennington, near Ashford for children aged 4 to 11. It has roughly 199 pupils on roll. It is a maintained school within the Kent local authority area. Mrs Jennifer Dawes leads the school. Inspection at a glance At its most recent Ofsted inspection on 29 June 2022, Phoenix Primary School was judged Good. The full inspection report is linked from this page so you can read the inspectors' own words. How the school is performing The latest published key stage 2 figures show 41% met expected standard in reading, writing and maths (2024/25). Overall absence stands at 6.0%, which is attendance of about 94.0% (2024/25). Around 53.7% of pupils are eligible for free school meals. Figures come from the Department for Education's published school performance data and are shown in full further down this page. Getting a place at Phoenix Primary School You apply for a place at Phoenix Primary School on the primary common application form through Kent, with the national deadline of 15 January. Where there are more applications than places, the school's published oversubscription criteria decide who is offered a place, typically starting with looked-after children and siblings. There is no separate entrance assessment. Always check the current admissions policy on the school's own website before you apply, because criteria can change year to year. SEND at a glance Phoenix Primary School is a mainstream school, supporting pupils with SEND alongside their classmates through the graduated approach of assess, plan, do, review. The school's SEN information report is the authoritative source and is linked in the SEND section below. Phoenix Primary School contact details and location You will find Phoenix Primary School at Belmont Road, Kennington, Ashford, Kent, TN24 9LS. The school office can be reached on 01233 622510. A map, directions and the school's own website link are on this page.
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Canterbury
Pilgrims Way Primary School
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Dover
Priory Fields School
About Priory Fields School Based in Dover, Priory Fields School is a primary school for children aged 4 to 11 and takes boys and girls. The school currently has about 321 pupils. On our figures that is above the typical size for a primary school in Dover. It is an academy, so its governing trust sets its own admission arrangements within the national code, and Kent coordinates offers. The headteacher is Miss Casey Hall. Inspection at a glance Ofsted rated Priory Fields School Good at its inspection on 9 May 2024. The full inspection report is linked from this page so you can read the inspectors' own words. How the school is performing At key stage 2, 53% met expected standard in reading, writing and maths (2024/25). Attendance works out at roughly 91.7% (absence 8.3%) (2024/25). Around 64.9% of pupils are eligible for free school meals. Figures come from the Department for Education's published school performance data and are shown in full further down this page. Getting a place at Priory Fields School You apply for a place at Priory Fields School on the primary common application form through Kent, with the national deadline of 15 January. If the school is oversubscribed, places are allocated on its published admissions criteria, which usually give priority to looked-after children, siblings and distance from home to school. There is no separate entrance assessment. Always check the current admissions policy on the school's own website before you apply, because criteria can change year to year. SEND at a glance Priory Fields School is a mainstream school, supporting pupils with SEND alongside their classmates through the graduated approach of assess, plan, do, review. The school's SEN information report is the authoritative source and is linked in the SEND section below. Priory Fields School contact details and location Priory Fields School is at Astor Avenue, Dover, Kent, CT17 0FS. The school office can be reached on 01304 211543. A map, directions and the school's own website link are on this page.
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